Stagnant

I have never felt this way before. I can't stand living here. Ifeel like i'm choking and something is stifling my happiness and taking up all my space to live and breathe and enjoy life. Arizona is so freaking boring. I hate it here. See? Totally not feelings normal for me.

I'm ready to be on the next step of school. I wish I was in med school now and not next year (hopefully.......). Ah.

Then again, I don't mind what I'm doing as much as I just mind being here.....If i could pick up my life--school and etc. and just move to a different city- I would be fine. Just Arizona is so boring and there is nothing for me here anymore beside my parents. My parents are the only thing that make me think twice about packing my bags and taking a cross country drive to pretty much anywhere but here.

Normal feelings for someone who just came back from vacation? Sort of--- except my feelings are magnified by a million and one million trillion billion and if fajillion was a number........ you get the picture.

I want to live in a big city... a compacted big city. I love Sanfransisco, but I love DC so much more. It was amzing to go running around the city. Everything is alive and its action action action--- it stimulates every part of me- my brain, my heart, my motivation and drive and love for life. And i love the public transportation. Awesome. Seriously amazing to not drive a car. And i want a city with four real seasons. Trees with real leaves and brown bark (not green paloverde) and yes, I will say it--- I even want snow too.

I looked at the Med schools while we were there. Wow.

I'm sick of ASU. it's ugly and spread out and boring and yuck.

I could go on---- point is that I'm already contemplating ways to rig being gone in december and where we can spend christmas. Whether it's with my parents in Alpine or somewhere else. Hell, I don't care if it's in a tent on the beach in California or on a cruise ship in the caribbean or in a hotel room in a city on the east coast..... It's taking every part of my still very immature adult self to not run away with any belongings that can fit in the jeep as we speak.

My mom says I need to get more intese with one of my hobbies until I can leave for school. As in fill the time I want to run away with running more... and when it's too late at night to run then play the piano or guitar until my anxiousness begins to lessen.

ok. I'll spare you the rest..... at least for right now. I'll add pictures later.

ps I cried when I packed my bags in our hotel room and when the plane took off in DC and when it landed in Phoenix.... and those are the only times I'm not too embarassed to admit.